For the Love of a Child

I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of the Trump family. I have yet to use the word “President” when discussing Donald, and I am unsure whether I ever will; not because of some self righteous, “you did it to Obama, I can do it to Trump” bullshit, but because I simply do not feel like he is what a legitimate President would be. I feel he is Narcissistic at best, and that at worst, he is out to destroy the country along with whatever else they will let him get his grubby little hands on.

This post, however, is not about Donald, it is about Melania. It is so easy to hate someone who is attached to someone else that you cannot stand. Especially when that person should be, for all intents and purposes, on the list of people that person wants to throw out of the country. Melania Trump, upon first glance, paints a picture of vapid hypocrisy. In the news just recently, for suing Daily Mail because of potential money lost (NPR), it is easy to think she is all about appearances and money. However, reports like this one on (Washington Post) stating that she and her son, Barron will not be living in the White House (at least while he is in school), require you to look deeper than the obvious statement that this is going to be expensive for taxpayers, and ask yourself whether Melania wants to stay apart from her husband. It is when you take in videos like these ones (1), (2), (3), that the picture finally starts to come into focus.

Imagine, for a moment, that you are married to someone extremely wealthy and powerful. Perhaps you entered into this marriage for reasons that were less than perfect, but, we all make mistakes. When you got married, you only imagined that being married to this person could only make you wealthy and powerful as an extension. Then you had a child with them. Perhaps the marriage became something less than savory. Maybe, you want nothing more than to leave this person… but you have a child with them, and if you leave, or if you even make waves, they have more than enough money and power to not only take your child from you, but to also force you to leave the country permanently. Do you leave? Do you stay, and try to just be as small and unobtrusive as possible? Do you try to make you own money and your own power, so you can perhaps overcome and keep your child with you?

I cannot say with any certainty what I would do. If you can’t either, I implore you to give Melania the benefit of the doubt.

Books and Their Covers.

When you tell me that the reason you don’t like me is my size, even when the way you say it, is sugar coated, and wrapped in gentleness, what I hear is “You could be absolutely perfect for me. You could be everything I am looking for in a woman… but I won’t consider you, because there is too much of you.”

I’m not going to lose weight for you. I am going to lose weight, but it will never be for you. If my weight is so important to someone that they will make it the deciding factor in whether or not I am ”good enough” for them, then they don’t deserve me.

I am an entire, complex person. I sing, I debate, (okay, sometimes, I revel in a downright argument) I paint, draw, color, I write, and I think I write well. I read so much sometimes that I burn myself out on it. I love research, if I don’t understand something I will look it up. I love words, colors, and shapes. (Not so much numbers. Anyone who knows me knows I can’t math.) I love being outside, walking on the beach or in the woods, swimming, playing in the rain. I love living and doing and being. I have been told my smile brightens a room, and that I am funny. My eyes get so many compliments, that sometimes it is actually a bit embarrassing. I am kind, smart, and beautiful inside and out. I am a complete package. A whole person lives inside this body.

The idea that someone can not appreciate me because of my body size is disgusting to me. I understand preference. Personally, I prefer a man who has an average build myself. However, preference does not mean that I would not consider someone because of their size. I have liked guys who were bigger, smaller, and everywhere in between. I have liked guys who were stereotypically attractive, and those who were not. Each of these men has captured my interest because of who they are, not what they look like. You could be the perfect Adonis, but be so insipid that I would be bored with them. What point would there be in that? Contrariwise, you could be the most interesting person on the planet, and look plain, and I would be head over heels, wanting your attention.
It saddens me that so many people value appearance over content.

If you can’t appreciate me when I am bigger, you don’t appreciate me.

Books and covers, everyone.

I Will Not be Silent

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. This post may not be well received by everyone, but that’s fine, because sometimes, it can actually be more destructive to sit and stay silent in the name of keeping the peace. I may lose friends over this, and for that eventuality, I am prepared. All I ask is that you please read to the end. Anyone who knows me should know that my intent here is good. My intent is love. As Always.


Donald Trump has made threats against every group of people except for white, rich, cisgendered, heterosexual men.

He has promised that a wall will be built to keep Mexicans out.
He and Pence have sworn to roll back the rights of the LGBTQIA community.
He has threatened the reproductive rights of women.
He has threatened to deport Muslims, and keep them out of America.
He and his people have threatened to cut aid for the disabled, veterans and the elderly.
And the list goes on.

In addition to the blatant threats, he has made insult after insult against everyone within earshot.

People, a LOT of people, are feeling threatened and at risk by this man and his people. A man who has chosen, as his second in command, someone who backs conversion therapy for LGBT youth, that includes electroshock treatment.

Schools are even offering support to students who feel threatened by Trump’s win This is not a typical election cycle.

I have heard people say “When Obama won, we felt the same way”, but no… Obama never threatened anyone’s rights. Nobody felt their life was at stake when Obama won. This is vastly different. You do not get to tell people how to feel.


To the people who voted for Trump who do not understand why your loved ones are hurt or angry:

When you voted for this man as president, it didn’t matter to the people you claim to love whether you believed he could fulfill any of these “promises”.

What mattered to them is that you were voting for someone who was making threats against their very existence.

They don’t care that your reason for voting for him is that “he is honest” (despite the fact that he flip flops faster than a fish on hot asphalt).

They care that he wants to take their rights away, and you don’t care about that.

They feel like you have turned your back on them, for this man who promises to strip them of their rights, their very person-hood. Your reason for voting for him doesn’t matter in the least, the fact is that you chose him over the people you say you love.

I’m not a Hillary fan. I love Bernie, I feel like Bernie was out best option, but we could not have him. A lot of Bernie supporters went over to Trump to Spite Hillary, but what they really did was shoot themselves, and America, in the foot. Bernie said Never Trump.

You don’t know what you have done… losing the trust of your loved ones may only be the beginning. I hope, for all our sakes, that I am wrong.

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

-MARTIN NIEMÖLLER

What Do They Like About You?

When someone tells you they like you, it can be helpful to stop and think about a few things. How long have they known you? What do they know about you? Have you talked about anything you are passionate about? How well do they know you?

Answering these questions can help you figure out why someone likes you which can be super helpful in determining whether you want to pursue getting to know them.


Example #1:

Sally meets Josh in a dark bar. The music is loud, and they dance together and have a few drinks. They decide to leave together. The next day, Josh texts Sally “I really like you. I had fun last night.”

Josh really doesn’t (presumably) know anything about Sally, other than what she looks like. They were both drinking, and it is possible that his recollection of their time together is skewed. He may or may not have an accurate memory of their time dancing, or even what happened when they left the bar.

The only thing Josh really can like about Sally, is her appearance. Other than perhaps, his assumptions about her.


Example #2:

Amy meets Derek at a group activity that they both enjoy, let’s say, idk, ceramics. They talk and laugh for several months while they are together, as a group, getting to know everyone, including each other. They discover a mutual interest in comic books and grunge music. One day, Amy approaches Derek, and tells him she likes him.

Amy and Derek have had time to get to know each other. They know each other’s likes and dislikes, they have common interests. They have spoken about varying subjects, at length.

There is a good chance Amy knows quite a bit about Derek, and has a solid foundation upon which to base her liking of him.


Now, I’m not saying it is a bad thing to like someone for their appearance. Aesthetics can be an important factor. However, without anything else, the “like” is only very superficial, and (unless you find other things you like) is likely to fizzle out quickly; which, is fine, if you are not looking for a relationship. It is up to you to decide what you need, and what you expect from a partner.

If someone tells me he likes me, it is important to me to know why. I don’t want someone who likes me only for my physical appearance. I want someone who likes my heart, my mind. Someone who sees my kindness, and my weirdness. Who loves the oddities and intricacies of who I am as a person. Someone who hasn’t known me very long couldn’t possibly like those things about me, because they haven’t had time to know those things about me.

Someone else may only be interested in people who like them superficially. They might not want anyone to delve too deeply into who they are as a person for one reason or another.

It is all a matter of preference, of course, as with anything else, and, of course, you could always ask someone why they like you… their answer will give you something to think about as well.

Love the One You are Afraid to Lose.

This is something I have been thinking about for a while, now. I have had occasion to think about it watching my daughter interact with the boy she loves, and watching people within my visual sphere in my real world, as well as seeing it online in one form or another. I have known, for a while now, that I would be writing this, but I have put it off until now for one reason or another. Today, I decided that it would happen now. No better time than the present, right?


disclaimer This is primarily about long term relationships where a possible future is involved. Don’t jump on me if your relationship is different than what I am obviously talking about here, I know all relationships are different, I am talking about one particular kind.


“I love you, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

How many of you have heard those words or some like them? Have you said them? Thought them?

When I hear these words, though they have never been directed at me, it makes me think; you should be with the person you are afraid to lose. If you are with someone, and you are not afraid to lose them, why are you with them? If you are in a place where you are wanting to settle down, and build a future, you should not be in a relationship with someone that you can’t see a future with. Personally, if I am not afraid to lose you, I can’t see a future with you.

You should absolutely have a great friendship with the person you love. That is the foundation of the relationship. Trust, companionship, humor, and shared interests are important. If you already have that built before you get together, then you have already laid a lot of the groundwork. You want your lover to be your best friend. That obviously does not mean that it won’t be work to keep the relationship alive; it absolutely will, but anything worth having is worth working on.

That fear of losing the person is also important. It is even, in my opinion, a good thing. The fear of losing the one you love can drive you to make sure you are showing them how important they are to you. You can use that to show them you love them. It is when that fear is gone that we become complacent and take the ones we love for granted. That is when we stop showing them we care. When we no longer fear to lose them, we stop doing things to keep them.

On the other side of that fence, though, if you are so afraid to lose a friendship, that you will not take a chance to see what it could become, you risk losing the friendship anyway. If someone loves you, they don’t want to see you chasing after other people while you are trying to preserve your friendship. Yes, if you love someone, you want them to be happy; even if it isn’t with you. However, when you know they feel the same way, and you see them with other (sometimes different) people all the time, it hurts. It cuts deep. There is only so long that someone can deal with that before they walk away, because at that point, you are actively choosing to be with anyone but them, and they know it.

Of course, there is always the chance that you will lose the friendship if you are with them, but there is also the chance that it will grow into something far more beautiful. If you allow fear to stop you from pursuing them, you will never find out what could have been. I would much rather take the chance. Life is too short not to.

Effort in Relationships.

I have always been one to cling to relationships; whether they are friendships or more, or even less… because I care too much, too quickly.

I have always clung to any glimmer of hope that a person still wanted me in their life, whether that person was giving me a reason to believe it or not. As a result, I have been hurt quite a bit by people who never intended to hurt me, as well as by those who did.

I have made the decision that this needs to end immediately. I will put in the same amount of effort that you put in. I will no longer be giving energy and time to people who clearly don’t want it, because frankly, I’m exhausted.

I am exhausted from being the one who always reaches out.

I am exhausted from being surprised when someone actually responds to one of my messages.

I am exhausted from wondering whether someone even values my existence, when, if I step back and examine it, I can see they don’t… because if they did, I wouldn’t be questioning it.

I’m not saying I am perfect; this line of thought is somewhat inspired by one of my favorite people on the planet who had to let me know that I was not being so responsive to her. Turns out that my life situations, and stress has had my brain kind of twisted up, and I had been neglecting people I love… it happens, but I have been making an effort to turn that around, and that is the difference. It isn’t a thing I consciously or regularly do. When I am called on it, I respond, and I do what I can to pull myself out of it because I love the people that I choose to have in my life. If you’re not going to make that effort to do better, I can’t keep doing this dance with you.

I have people who need me… I can’t waste any more energy on those who couldn’t care less.

And if you cared, you’d be making the effort.

My Two Cents: Elections and Voting

It’s been a while, hasn’t it, darlings? Well, it’s time for another lecture. This time, we shall tackle the much debated presidential election! Because, why the hell not? So, sit down, and get your minds all opened up and ready for me. Please save your comments and criticisms until the end of my post. Thanks.

There really ought to be rules about running for president. You know, beyond having to be a natural born citizen, and having to be 35 or older. I mean, I feel like there are more important things than age in determining how well you can run a country, right?

For example, can we all just agree that someone who blatantly states that they could  stand in the middle of the road and shoot someone, and not lose supporters should not run a country? Like, isn’t that just common sense?

Another point is this last debate. Now, I am no more a fan of Fox news than anyone else. However, that is beside the point. These debates are set up, ahead of time, for the purpose of allowing the public to see how the candidates can handle speaking with each other, the public and reporters, as well as how they answer questions. At the debates, all of the candidates for the party are expected to be there unless, of course, something comes up that they have to attend to elsewhere. You shouldn’t be able to pout your way out of a debate because Megyn Kelly doesn’t like him. Well, boo hoo. We all have people who don’t like us. How exactly does he plan to take down ISIL and “make America great again” if he can’t even stand up to a Fox reporter at a debate? Presidential candidates need to be answerable to the people.

We need someone who is reliable. Someone who will do as they need to do, and who isn’t going to have a temper tantrum, or spout hate and vitriol at an entire group of people completely ostracizing them. America is a melting pot. We are not an entirely white, Christian country. We are made up of many races. Many religions. Many cultures. THAT is part of what makes America great. The other part, the part that is missing, is the love and acceptance of all the people.

If you are a white, hetero, cisgendered, middle aged, upper class, man, then Trump may well be who you like. However, he has very clearly expressed his hatred of everyone else.

Latinos
women
POC
LGBTQAI

There needs to be some kind of standard to which we can hold the people who run for presidency in this country. Donald Trump is not the only one making a mockery of us, but he is the one painting most vibrant caricature. It is time to wake up. It is time to stand up. It is time to tell the powers that be that this is unacceptable and that we deserve better than this clown.

Get out there, and vote. If you want a better America, vote for one. I don’t want to hear anything about “oh, my vote won’t make a difference”, because when you add up all the people who use that excuse, it does.