I have always been one to cling to relationships; whether they are friendships or more, or even less… because I care too much, too quickly.
I have always clung to any glimmer of hope that a person still wanted me in their life, whether that person was giving me a reason to believe it or not. As a result, I have been hurt quite a bit by people who never intended to hurt me, as well as by those who did.
I have made the decision that this needs to end immediately. I will put in the same amount of effort that you put in. I will no longer be giving energy and time to people who clearly don’t want it, because frankly, I’m exhausted.
I am exhausted from being the one who always reaches out.
I am exhausted from being surprised when someone actually responds to one of my messages.
I am exhausted from wondering whether someone even values my existence, when, if I step back and examine it, I can see they don’t… because if they did, I wouldn’t be questioning it.
I’m not saying I am perfect; this line of thought is somewhat inspired by one of my favorite people on the planet who had to let me know that I was not being so responsive to her. Turns out that my life situations, and stress has had my brain kind of twisted up, and I had been neglecting people I love… it happens, but I have been making an effort to turn that around, and that is the difference. It isn’t a thing I consciously or regularly do. When I am called on it, I respond, and I do what I can to pull myself out of it because I love the people that I choose to have in my life. If you’re not going to make that effort to do better, I can’t keep doing this dance with you.
I have people who need me… I can’t waste any more energy on those who couldn’t care less.
And if you cared, you’d be making the effort.