I recently read this article, and have been thinking a lot on the subject since. Here are my thoughts.
Do you know what the absolute worst part of being told (or even just knowing) that they would like you if you weren’t fat is? The fact that you know that, no matter how much weight you lost, you would never really be what they are looking for. It is feeling like, no matter what you do, you could never be good enough for the person who, despite everything, is more than good enough in your eyes. There are no words that can adequately describe how much that hurts, and all the versions of “fuck them”, or “if they can’t see your beauty”, or “you deserve better” could never make you forget that pain.
I have a wide-set body. I have hips, and wide shoulders. Even at my smallest, I was a size 8. I could never be a size 2. It just physically could never happen because of my frame. Whenever I like someone, I think about their ex… I compare. I don’t necessarily mean to, it just happens. When I know that she is so much smaller than me – in every possible way – it hurts. She is tiny. her frame, her height, even her voice is tiny. By comparison, I may as well be the Good Year blimp. This automatically registers in my mind as oh, he could never like you… you could never measure up to her… she would be disgusted… The veracity of any of those statements notwithstanding, I feel them as if they are being screamed at me by a choir of Devils wielding torches and pitchforks any time I even think that maybe there is the tiniest possibility that perhaps he could like me a little bit.
The man in the above referenced article is clearly an asshole. I’m not here to get into that. However, that is not always the case. Men (and women) have preferences. Some people are simply not attracted to bigger women, or smaller women, people of color or freckles, or blonde hair, or blue eyes, or green eyes, or tall people or short people or any myriad of other physical qualities. We are entitled to our preferences, certainly… but it doesn’t make it hurt less when the object of your affection tells you that they aren’t interested in you because of something you cannot change.
Is there a proper way to break the news to someone you know has those feelings for you? I can’t say for sure; everyone is different, and, as such, everyone is going to react differently. I can’t even say for certain what would be the best way to approach me with the information… other than that I value transparency, and being face to face… not being strung along, etc. Any way you slice it, the pain is going to be there, so I suppose the best way to start is to imagine yourself in their situation, because, realistically, someday, you might be.