Separation, Divorce, and What Comes Next.

I wanted to write a little bit about something I haven’t yet really touched on. I have made mention of the fact that I am getting divorced here and there, but I haven’t actually gone into any specifics about it, or about how I feel about the situation. The time has come where, I feel like I need to put things out there, into the ether. I need to get things out of my mind and into the… well, wherever these little 1’s and 0’s go once they are on the screen.

I am not going to tell the story of how we met, or any of that here, that is not what this post is about, and frankly, the Irish in my rambles on far too much as it is. Suffice to say, I fell in love quickly and deeply with a good man, and made an illogical but heartfelt decision that I do not regret making.

Last January, I made the very difficult decision to end my marriage. I had not (at that point) seen Can in over three years, I was the (for all intents and purposes) single mother of a toddler and a teenager. (though the latter lives with my mother) I was stressed out from having the full responsibility of taking care of Arienette, with little to no help, since I don’t do baby sitters, and up until October, when she started preschool, she had never really been away from me for long, plus trying to take care of the home, needing to be there for Krishna, and still having to be online almost constantly to talk to my husband, so that he didn’t feel neglected. I was stretched thinner than I could handle and something had to give so that I could give my daughters the care and attention they needed.

So, after filling out 3 ink cartridges worth of paperwork, and paying over $700 in filing fees for said paperwork, I made the only decision I felt I could reasonably make. I told my husband that I needed to file for divorce. My intent has never been to hurt him. I will always care for him, he is a wonderful man… but I cannot be with someone I will never see. Both of us deserve a relationship with someone we can physically be with. Neither of us has been happy in our marriage with the distance separating us. We both deserve to be happy. Nevertheless, my decision, and it was MY decision, was not easy. It broke my heart, but I do feel that it was the right decision.

It has been over a year since I made the decision. Arienette will be four this month. I did file a year ago, however, apparently, you cannot send sheriff service OR certified mail to Turkey. They can do registered mail, but that doesn’t work. Also, it takes 5 days for mail to get to Turkey, and 5-6 weeks to get back. The courts gave me 5 days total to serve him and get the return receipt. After I, at my initial visit to the court, told them that I would need at least 2 months. When I also wrote the same on the forms when I filed. I got frustrated. I procrastinated.

I recently filed again. This time, I filed a motion for alternative service with my paperwork. See, there was recently a case in NY where a woman was allowed to serve her ex over facebook. Since there is legal precedent, I decided I would see if I could do the same thing due to my situation. Luckily, the judge ruled in my favor, and the day I received my packet, I scanned and sent him all 18 pages, bringing the court the necessary proof the next morning.

My first appearance is in a few weeks. It is bittersweet. I know this hurts him. I don’t want that, but I want him to be happy. I want to be happy. I feel like I deserve to be happy. It is time to close this chapter in my life and start the next one.

What happens next? I don’t know. Would I like to be in a relationship again? Yeah, I would… after the smoke clears. It wouldn’t feel right to start something new while I am still technically married. The truth is, this marriage has been over for a while now… but legally, we are still together, and I will not begin a new commitment until the one I am in is over.

That doesn’t preclude me from speaking my mind, though. If I have something to say, It’s going to be said.


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