How To Confront Someone When You Have A Problem With Them.

No matter where you go, there are bound to be people you don’t like. Whether it is something stupid or a valid reason, we all have people we would rather not be around. Sometimes, we feel the need to confront these people about our problems with them. Believe it or not, there are right ways and very wrong ways to do this.

Unfortunately, most people seem to go about it the wrong way.

If you want someone to take you seriously when you enumerate their many horrible qualities, it is not a good idea to call them out publicly. This will serve only to make them defensive and ensure that a shouting match ensues.

A good way to confront someone, though certainly less dramatic, is to gaspspeak to them privately. Whether you pull them aside or shoot them a message, this is the best way to have an actual conversation about what is bothering you. It is also quite a bit more respectful. If someone comes to me and says, “Hey, we have a problem” and then talks to me rationally, I am much more likely to be receptive than if they post a diatribe against me to generate public outcry.

Another good tip when confronting someone is to use “I” statements. For example: “I feel hurt when…”, “I’m upset about… rather than “you” statements such as: “When you do…”, “You made me feel like… This helps to make it so the person you are speaking to does not feel attacked. When you come at me like “You hurt my feelings when you blah blah blah…” I get defensive because it feels like you are putting all the blame on me. If you were to instead say “I felt hurt because…” I am likely to listen because you are not pushing blame, you are simply talking about how you feel.

Nobody responds well when they feel like they are under attack.

One more thing. If you wait until someone is not around to defend themselves, I immediately question the validity of your words.


2 thoughts on “How To Confront Someone When You Have A Problem With Them.

  1. Pingback: Index of Posts. | Inside the Mind of a Dramatic Mother

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