Cheating.

Feel like a lecture? Of course you do!! Buckle up, buttercup, this one is going to be fun.

Cheating is a topic being talked about quite a bit, lately.  I would like to add in my two cents. I am going to tackle this one a bit differently.

My oldest daughter was almost four when I sought out her father. She had been conceived unwillingly, on my part. Evidently he did not understand “no”. She had never seen him, and I hadn’t spoken to him since the incident. I went looking for him, because I felt I should be the bigger person, and allow him a chance to be her father. We were fourteen when she was conceived, and I had hoped that he had learned and changed.

Initially, things went okay. I spoke with him and his girlfriend, he expressed interest in getting to know my daughter, and we planned to meet with friends the following week.

I picked him up, and we went to a friends house and played video games and talked for a bit, then I went to take him home. He asked to drive, and I thought little of it, so I agreed. We were about halfway there, when he asked what I would do if he kissed me. I was shocked that he would say such a thing, as we both knew he was in a relationship. I couldn’t even think of something to say because my mind was racing so much.

He pulled the car over. It was dark, and we were in the middle of nowhere when he chose to take advantage of the situation. We drove in silence the rest of the way, and, after I got home, I decided I would tell her what happened. I could not live with the knowledge that I had helped him cheat on her. I felt sick.

Of course, she didn’t believe me, and I have spoken to neither of them since then. All for the better.

I have also been cheated on multiple times. It sucks. It hurts. However, other posts have accurately described the feelings that come from that. I will take this post elsewhere.

Poly is not cheating. There is consent on all sides of poly.
Cuckolding is not cheating, when done in the guidelines of kink. There is consent on all sides there.
Cheating is when two people are in a relationship, and one of them makes the conscious decision to have intimacy with someone who is not their partner without their partner’s knowledge or consent.

My definition of cheating is doing anything with someone who is not your partner, that you would not want your partner to do with someone who is not you.

This may include (but may not be limited to) sexual activity, holding hands, kissing, flirting, sexting, sending racy pictures, etc. In short, anything that you would be upset to find out your partner had done.

Cheating destroys trust. It destroys relationships, and nobody wants to find out that their partner was willing to put their trust and relationship on the line like that.

If someone feels like they want to cheat, for whatever reason, here is my unsolicited advice:

Talk to your partner. Seriously. Tell them what you are feeling and the reason behind it, whether it be lack of intimacy in your relationship, unfulfilled needs (kinky or otherwise) or whatever else. Let them know what you need. How are they supposed to know if you never tell them? Perhaps you feel the need to open the relationship, talk to your partner. See what the options are, and figure something out that works for BOTH (or all) of you.

Example: Lack of intimacy.

Option one: Increase the level of intimacy so you can get what you need. This may require a conversation about why the intimacy is lacking to begin with. Honesty is key. Always.

Option two: Open the relationship so you can get the intimacy you need, and your partner doesn’t have to give more.

Option three: End the relationship. Seriously. If you are unhappy in your relationship, for any reason, and your partner is unwilling to work on it with you, the discontent is going to grow and spread. You should end it before it gets worse, and harder.

I am aware that in certain cases, the relationship is abusive, and it is difficult to leave, but you are also putting yourself in more danger by cheating. If an abusive partner finds out you are cheating, things are likely to get worse. If you are being abused, please find someone who can help you. There are shelters for people in abusive relationships. Do what you have to in order to keep yourself and your children (if any exist) safe.

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5 thoughts on “Cheating.

  1. Pingback: Index of Posts. | Inside the Mind of a Dramatic Mother

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