I’m thinking it may be time for another lecture. Sit down, and get comfortable, this one may be a bit hard to swallow.
You were in a relationship with someone you loved deeply. Perhaps you thought it was going to last forever. Well, things happen, and life moves on, and sometimes (most times) that means your relationship will end. It sucks, and it hurts worse than knives, but it is part of life.
Now, you are thinking about finding someone new… and wondering if you are ready.
Personally, I find that it is important to take time for yourself after a relationship ends. I tend to wait at least a year. This gives you time to figure out where you are, and what you need. You have to be able to be comfortable in your own skin before you can be truly comfortable in a relationship. If you go jumping into something new immediately, you will almost absolutely run into trouble.
What happens when you see your ex with a new person in public? Do you cause a scene? Try to compete?
What about when you hear that song? Or that show comes on?
You need to leave the remnants of the old relationship behind before getting into a new one.
This isn’t to say you have to have completely forgotten they exist. That isn’t going to happen, but you need to be able to live without thinking about them all the time, or tearing up when you see them. You have to be able to watch your favorite show alone, even though you always used to watch it together.
If you don’t take the time to be okay by yourself, then you are going to hurt the person you rebound with. You will say or do something because of your ex, and leave your new person feeling like they are not good enough, or like you don’t really care. That is hard to come back from. Being in a relationship means you have to think about their feelings as well as your own. Relationships are not about being selfish. If you don’t want to worry about someone else, you need to stay single.
I know so many people who can’t seem to be happy if they are single. They bounce around, like a basketball, from one person to the next, seemingly without taking a breath. I have noticed that they always choose the same type of person, and they keep running into the same problems. What is worse, is they come to me, still hung up on their exes because they don’t allow themselves to take time to get their bearings. Unfortunately, until they choose to take the time to be alone and figure things out, they are likely to keep having the same issues.
If you finish a race, and then immediately start another one, your body is going to shut down. You physically cannot handle exerting yourself at that level without taking time to refuel and come down from the stress you put on your body.
Relationships are the same way. When you are with someone, you are putting a lot of emotional, physical and mental energy into that relationship. You have to give yourself time to come back from that before trying to put more energy into a new one. Eventually, if you don’t, you are going to burn out from the stress, and hurt people in the process.