Thoughts on “Getting Old”

Tomorrow morning, at 4:50 am, my baby will be 14. This brings with it quite a few emotions and thoughts. At the forefront of these is that I feel old. My baby will be 14. Next year, she will enter high school, and a year from tomorrow, she will be half my age.

i am 29, but I feel so much older. Watching my little girl grow up has been wonderful and sad. She has turned into a wonderful, beautiful young lady. She is intelligent, strong and willful, and I wouldn’t change a thing. however, she is growing up far too fast, and it breaks my heart a little.

I remember when she was born, the first time i held her she pooped on me. I was so exhausted, my grandmother had to clean it up. I remember just holding her, and looking at her little face thinking about how special and beautiful she was. Thinking about how someone like me could make a perfect, sweet, little baby like her. I remember not caring what the kids at school were going to say about me having a baby when I was 15, and honestly, if anything was said, I never heard it anyway.

I remember when she got a little older, and I was struggling to hold her at church because she was getting heavy but she wanted to be held, and I look at her sister and see that soon, I will have the same problem with her.

I remember trying to get her to eat when she didn’t want to, I remember changing her diaper and bringing her “blue blankie” everywhere because she couldn’t be without it. I remember taking her apple picking for the first time, and the zoo. I remember when she started karate after a year of dance, and how she likes it so much better. I remember her asking every day when she would get to ride on the big yellow bus, and I remember putting her on that bus on the first day of school.

My baby will be 14 tomorrow. She does not understand the emotions running through my heart, and why should she? Her time will come, someday, when she finally understands; and then I will be feeling it all the more, because my baby, my first baby will be a mother who is going through what I am right now.

I look forward to that day with both sadness and anticipation to see my (hopefully distant) future grandchildren.

Happy birthday, Krishna. you will always be my baby.

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One thought on “Thoughts on “Getting Old”

  1. Pingback: Index of Posts. | Inside the Mind of a Dramatic Mother

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